I wouldn't do that if I were you.....

I'm taking in a female one night. This female is drunk, aggressive, and wants to fight me. Not a good combination. I will not pick a fight, but if you choose to come after me, I will win the fight. I have a pretty extensive training in this, you don't. I will not street fight, I will use every traning mechanism that I have to get control and maintain it. And no where does it say that I have to fight fair. If you choose to fight me, it will most likely not be a one on one fight. My team is my family, and when a fight starts we will all jump in to help. There is one basic rule - You may not be going home tonight, but I am. I will not intentionally hurt you, I will not cause pain to punish you. I will do what I need to do within my training to subdue you and stop the fight.

This female is still handcuffed and wanting to fight with me. Probably not the brightest move, because I already have an advantage on you. It is very hard to fight without your hands, trust me I've trained for such a situation.

I am attempting to pat this female down, and she keeps wanting to turn and face me head on. Not going to happen. Not only are you handcuffed, but I am going to stay behind you where you can't reach me. Advantage #2. I am able to complete my pat down, and this female tells me "I'm gonna kick your ass". My reply? "Trust me - you're not going to do that."

So I'm standing with my leg locked behind this woman's left knee, and I am attempting to pull the ponytail holder out of her hair. I have to be concerned that this woman is going to try and pull away from me or headbutt me, so I am very concious of this. Then this woman says "I'm going to spit on you".

Oh hell no you aren't! I can handle someone who wants to fight - kick at me, swing at me, that's fine. The fight is on. But DON'T spit on me and DON'T bite me. That is disgusting, and it absolutely repulses me. I don't know if and what disgusting diseases you have, and I am sure as hell not taking any of that shit home with me. If I get hit or kicked, it heals. If I am exposed to an infectious disease, it can take YEARS to manifest, with montly testing, and sometimes there is no cure. So no, you are NOT going to spit on me, and I am going to guarantee that you aren't. If need be, I will put a spit hood on you, and you can spit on yourself to your hearts content. But that shit sure as hell ain't hitting me.

So I tell her, "I wouldn't do that if I were you". She says "Fuck you" and makes that sound in her throat like she is hawking up a loogie. Now remember, I'm still locked in on her side and my hand is on her pony tail. So as she purses her lips to spit at me, I grab her pony tail and yank her head straight back, so she is now looking straight up at the ceiling. As I do this, the spit comes flying out, and my favorite law of gravity proves itself once again - What goes up, must come down.

So this big loogie goes flying up in the air, and comes straight back down and hits her square in the face. She starts screaming, the calvary comes running, and the spit hood goes on.

Oh and that bench warrant for that stupid traffic charge you had? That's going to look like nothing now that you have a new felony charge of "Attempted Second Degree Assault on a Peace Officer". There is no plea deal offered, by law they can't plead it down, and probation is not offered for that charge. You will do time for this. You could have been out in two days, now you will have an assaultive felony on your record. The little tape recording detailing what you said, and the video recording showing you trying to spit on me will looking great on the court's new HDTV when the DA presents his case to the jury. Hope it was worth it to ya!

I tried to tell you that you didn't want to do that, but what do I know?